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 Takeru Blades (first)

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Takeru Katsumi

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Posts : 2
Join date : 2010-03-12
Age : 25

PostSubject: Takeru Blades (first)   Sat Mar 13, 2010 12:01 am

Name of Weapon: Blades of Doom Light

Appearance of Weapon:


Type of Weapon: Dagger /Blades

Ability of Weapon: In owners hands these daggers became an shining light swords. They shine so much that it blinde the opponent for some sec.

Type of flame: None

List of Weapon's attacks: Takeru uses blades only in two ways. First ways that's the most important, he use tham in close combat. Second ways, he use them as range weapon. He through one of blades to an opponent, but if it miss he continue to fight with one blade untill he get back second.

Name of attack:Sun Glow
Effects: Takeru jangle the blades to each other and make a big sun lightning source. This sun lightning blindes the opponent. The opponenet can't see afew seconds.

Weakness: Nothing

Requirements: Nothing

Weapon users: Takeru Katsumi

Name of attack: Energy Ball
Effects: Useing light what is all around Takeru, he putting blades together makes a ball of sunlight. If there isn't any sunlight source, Takeo uses Sun Glow to make it.

Weakness: Darkness/Shadow

Requirements: Blades of DoomLight

Weapon users: Takeru Katsumi
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Scherzo Rosso
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Posts : 14
Join date : 2010-02-27

PostSubject: Re: Takeru Blades (first)   Wed Mar 24, 2010 5:28 am

Ummm. ... ... ... ... ...

Wow.

I recommend you send this through spellcheck when you have the chance, there are a LOT of errors, and sadly that irks me. I mean ... a few is okay, but ... bah. Let's see:

All corrected errors are in bold and red.

-

Takeru Katsumi wrote:
Name of Weapon: Blades of Doom Light

Appearance of Weapon:


Type of Weapon: Daggers / Blades

Ability of Weapon: In the owner's hands, these daggers can become a pair of shining lights. They shine so much that they can temporarily blind the opponent for a short while.

Type of flame: None

List of Weapon's attacks: Takeru uses his blades in two ways. First, and most importantly, he uses them in close combat. Second, he can use them as a ranged weapon. He can throw one of the blades at an opponent. But if it misses, he must fight with the remaining blade untill he retrieves the thrown blade.

Name of attack:Sun Glow
Effects: Takeru clangs(?) the blades together and makes a large, spherical source of sunlight. This light can blind the opponent(SHOULD THEY FAIL TO LOOK AWAY?!). The afflicted opponent/enemy is is temporarily blind for only the span of a few seconds.

Weakness: Nothing

Requirements: Nothing

Weapon users: Takeru Katsumi

Name of attack: Energy Ball
Effects: Using whatever sunlight is about Takeru, he can put blades together and make a ball of it. If there isn't any source, Takeo can use Sun Glow to make one. (THEN WHAT DOES HE DO WITH THIS BALL?!)

Weakness: Darkness/Shadow

Requirements: Blades of Doom Light

Weapon users: Takeru Katsumi

Ahem, the errors revolve primarily about subject-verb agreement, awkward tense usage as well as tense shifting ... minor misspellings of words, questionable usages of pronouns ... etc. etc.

All in all, I do have to say that this is quite lacking on detail ... sorry, but can you please expand on it all? I like your idea and all, but it needs more substance to it ... as well as some cleaning up. Now if you were tired when you posted this ... I think you'd best make note of that before I or any other staff come to read this, so that we understand that your current state at the time of the posting was not necessarily the best. That is to prevent a review like this from occurring >.>;;

But, please edit when you can, as I do look forward to seeing your completed application for your weapon.
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